第八课作业

yangxiaodan

Using cash or paying by phone?

   In China as phone payments become more prevalent, fewer people are using cash. In my mind, although phone payments are more likely convenient than cash, the latter still plays an irreplaceable role.

   While paying by phone makes people not have to carry large amounts of cash and worry about breaking large bills. However, when the phone runs out of battery or internet access is unavailable, cash gives us a sense of security.

   Sometimes with just a tap on the ‘Pay Now' button or a quick facial scanning on your phone the payment is completed. This can give you the illusion that you are erasing the digital number in your game account. In contrast, spending tangible currency makes you know how money leaving your hands exactly which can curb impulsive buys.

   Phone payments also make it easy to track your expenses, even without receipts. But every coin has two sides. These digital records may bring you some privacy risks. Have you ever had similar experience? You just bought a bottle of cream by your phone, and within days you started receive ads for eye cream, facial masks, or even luxury goods. If paid by cash this problem would not happen.

   In short, compared with phone payments I tend to use cash because I still believe cash is king.

ekt1098517

Using cash or paying by phone?

   In China as phone payments become more prevalent, fewer people are using cash. In my mind, although phone payments are more likely convenient than cash, the latter still plays an irreplaceable role.

   While paying by phone makes people not have to carry large amounts of cash and worry about breaking large bills. However, when the phone runs out of battery or internet access is unavailable, cash gives us a sense of security.

   Sometimes with just a tap on the ‘Pay Now' button or a quick facial scanning on your phone the payment is completed. This can give you the illusion that you are erasing the digital number in your game account. In contrast, spending tangible currency makes you know how money leaving your hands exactly which can curb impulsive buys.

   Phone payments also make it easy to track your expenses, even without receipts. But every coin has two sides. These digital records may bring you some privacy risks. Have you ever had similar experience? You just bought a bottle of cream by your phone, and within days you started receive ads for eye cream, facial masks, or even luxury goods. If paid by cash this problem would not happen.

   In short, compared with phone payments I tend to use cash because I still believe cash is king.  

晓丹同学这篇比较对照文的基本框架已经完成，现在还需要进一步深入探讨，才能让文章更加言之有物、令人信服。

ekt1098517

Using cash or paying by phone?

   In China as phone payments become more prevalent, fewer people are using cash. In my mind, although phone payments are more likely convenient than cash, the latter still plays an irreplaceable role.

   While paying by phone makes people not have to carry large amounts of cash and worry about breaking large bills. However, when the phone runs out of battery or internet access is unavailable, cash gives us a sense of security.

   Sometimes with just a tap on the ‘Pay Now' button or a quick facial scanning on your phone the payment is completed. This can give you the illusion that you are erasing the digital number in your game account. In contrast, spending tangible currency makes you know how money leaving your hands exactly which can curb impulsive buys.

   Phone payments also make it easy to track your expenses, even without receipts. But every coin has two sides. These digital records may bring you some privacy risks. Have you ever had similar experience? You just bought a bottle of cream by your phone, and within days you started receive ads for eye cream, facial masks, or even luxury goods. If paid by cash this problem would not happen.

   In short, compared with phone payments I tend to use cash because I still believe cash is king.  

通篇看下来，你的主旨是现金比移动支付更好。

首先看引言段落：主题陈述句用词可以更加具体一些，预示给读者现金在哪三方面不可替代（综合下文，可总结为使用可靠性、消费习惯的影响、和用户隐私保护）。
中间的三个正文段落：第一个正文段落只有一句话，观点出来了但是缺少内容的展开：想一想两个具体的典型场景，Don't just tell; you need to show as well. 在这些场景中体现出使用的可靠性；第二个正文段落比第一个更丰满一些，但是你还可以比较一下这两种支付方式导致的具体消费习惯的不同（前因后果中的后果、影响，甚至可以想想对普通人日常生活的连锁反应会是什么啊？）；第三个正文段落中，也可以多分析可能引起的后果。
结尾段落只有一句话，这里下棋记得下两步哦

ekt1098517

整体看下来，正文段落都缺少主题句，因为你只是想到了这些比较的现象，但忘了退后一步想一想可以总结出来的Points of comparison，有方向但是没有提炼，修订的时候要逼着自己想出正文段落的观点句哦。

正文段落中的比较对照不是特别明显，建议找出比较点写成主题句之后，使用point-by-point的结构，每个段落让步的方式（先说它的好）引出移动支付的弊端，然后比较对照现金支付在此场景的好来。

另外目前看来晓丹同学的语言表达还需要进一步提高，包括句型等，下面老师给你个文中的例子：
While paying by phone makes people not have to carry large amounts of cash and worry about breaking large bills.   while是从属句连词，只能引导从句，还需要一个主句才能使句子成立。

平时学习可以加强精读与泛读，可以多积累同义词，比如Phone payment, digital payment， mobile payment等

ekt1098517

Keep up the good work!