本帖最后由 ekt1098517 于 2024-10-20 15:12 编辑
1.
Thesis statement: The rise of social media has significantly altered the way we communicate, leading to both positive and negative effects on interpersonal relationships.
Topic sentence 1: Social media helps us communicate with each other more conveniently than before.
Topic sentence 2: Social media is easy to get some people addicted to it, and it will influence the relationship between them and their family or friends.
这两句主题句的标点和大小写以及句子构成都非常好;从内容上来说,第一个正文段落聚焦正向影响,第二个正文段落聚焦负面影响,符合中心思想句中的controlling ideas。非常好。
唯一还可以改进的地方,是这两个主题句之间的逻辑关系,未见清晰呈现:如果在主题句中点明,就更好了。细节的地方表述可更精确一些:比如不是所有使用社交媒体的都会成瘾,你这里写了some people做限定,非常好,但如果再加上overuse是不是会更准确一些呢?
可以比较一下参考答案:
1. On the positive side, the rise of social media has facilitated instant communication and connection, allowing individuals to maintain relationships across vast distances more effortlessly.
2. However, the pervasive use of social media has also led to a decline in face-to-face interactions, potentially weakening the depth and authenticity of interpersonal relationships.
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